24 May 2011

I sure am glad I took the time to research the progression of this disease and its common S/S's.


That knowledge is really helping me maintain my positive outlook because I am not depressed...wondering what is going on, how long it will last, how much worse it could get, etc. Every day that goes by is just another day closer to dialysis and transplant. By looking towards both, I continue to maintain mental strength, positive thinking and hope that all will be well. Having my mind in a good place is also vital to my overall health. My experience as a paramedic taught me much about the correlation between a positive mind and a healthy body. So, in spite of what my kidneys are doing, the rest of my body remains healthy.


State of Mind = State of Body = State of Spirit.


I firmly, adamantly believe in this tie-in. I have to; because otherwise, I would have no hope and would likely fall into despair. A huge part of what I am going through is mental. The mind and the body are inseparably joined in this fight. Where one is weak, the other will help us stand. As I endure the progression of this disease I see that correlation every day. Some days my body will be feeling terrible, but my mind will bolster the body and getting through the day is made easier. And so it is otherwise when my mind is struggling, the body will somehow feel a bit better and ease the burden on my mind.


I'm not talking any zen master stuff. I mean a real physiologically related thing that keeps the mind and the body in balance even for anyone going through a thing such as I am now.


The reason I went into this is because the past four days have been like a punch in the gut. My exhaustion has reached a new low and every day has seemed harder than the last. My average nap the last four days has been four hours long. And this following 7-8 hours sleep. As before, upon waking from either sleep or a nap, I am just as exhausted as before sleeping.


Plus, the edema in my legs as not retreated one bit. If anything, it has gotten worse. My ankles and feet are just ugly to look at and are painful when I walk. As far as my appetite, Today I have had no snacks and just one small sandwich and a few chips. That's it. Even my liquid consumption is down to around 45 ounces per day. I really do try to be sure I drink enough; but a lot of the liquids I take in are obviously going to the interstitial spaces as edema.


Nausea has increased overall and I am taking at least one small dose of Promethazine every day. Most days I am taking the anti-emetic as needed throughout the entire day. On top of that, my headache remains constant and extremely painful.  On top of even that, I think my body is fighting a cold so I feel worse than normal. (ugh!)


On a positive note, the flaking skin on my face (in the beard area) and above my R ear has seemingly been brought under control. The combination of scrubbing my face plus using Selsun Blue (shampooo) with the ingredient Selenium Sulfide is working...so far. For now there are no more showers of dry skin cells falling off my chin when I scratch the area; no more shirts covered with what is, for all intents and purposes, dandruff. Yay!!!!   :o)


Remnember what I said earlier...small victories! Any time I can get one, I will gladly accept it!


And all of this ties back into the positive mindset I currently enjoy. In spite of the exhaustion, the nausea, the malaise and just feeling terrible, because my mind is strong, positive and forward-thinking, I am actually doing OK. Don't get me wrong...going through this sucks! But with my ability to understand the process and to keep my mind in a strong, positive place, I am able to continue to keep away from hopeless, despair and depression. Thank Goodness for that blessing!!!


My next nephrology appointment is Wednesday (25 May). I'll update you with the very latest sometime afterwards--likely late afternoon.


Good Health to All!


ScottW