16 June 2012

It has been eleven days since my last regular entry?!
I don't even know where--or how--to start.

Let's begin by reiterating the news I gave in my photo entry about the edema in my legs. I will not be starting any dialysis until July because in order to help me cover most of the costs of the traeatment and the meds, I had to convert my Medicare coverage to a Medicare Advantage Plan that covers Medicare Parts A (Hospitalization), B (Clinics and Preventative) and D (Prescriptions). The premium is no additional cost than what I am now paying for the basic Medicare. Plus, it caps my per year co-pays instead of constant accumulation as with the regular coverage.
Unfortunately, the conversion cannot begin until 01 July of this year. So, unless my kidneys fail altogether and my body crashes, again, dialysis will not begin until July. IF I go into renal failure then I will do what I have to.

Now, let's get on with the time since my last entry on the fifth...

First and foremost...Exhaustion. I thought I knew exhaustion up to this point. I actually had no idea how much greater that exhaustion would be come. It's as if my body--after this latest drop--is suddenly screaming, "Enough! I am so tired of this! "

Yes, I did struggle mentally for a day or so after the news of the latest drop; but I snapped out of it as I always do. However, my body didn't. I felt weighed down more and more every day. My flank pain has increased on both sides, my headache took a [seemingly] permanent leap up in intensity, my energy each day is gone in a mere fraction of what it had taken previously, I am sleepier around 50% more, my naps have increased in number and duration each day, and most of the time I am now feeling as if I am in a fog both mentally and physically.

I am moving very slowly, thinking slower, laughing less, have more general dizziness, have a seemingly permanent edemic increase in my legs, and have been awaking every morning feeling like I got no sleep at all. I do NOT like feeling like this...at all!

In spite of the exhaustion, I am still getting my housework done (very slowly), I am getting out to help with errands as I feel up to it (sometimes going because I need to get out of the house), and just today I finished with a personal project that I have spent the last sixteen months working on. That last one feels really, really great!

I am sure that a part of my exhaustion is mental; though certainly not on a conscious level. I continue to work every day to keep my mind in a good place. However, I am certain that my body, now under incredible stresses, is affecting my subconscious in ways that I cannot even begin to pretend I understand. In that conscious/subconscious battle, I am sure that my mind and my body are losing ground to the renal failure accelerating inside of me.
But, the fight goes on. Dialysis is coming up, and hopefully, I will start feeling better after a few treatments. We will see soon enough...

A little earlier I stated that my headache has intensified and the bilateral flank pain has increased. Accordingly, my T3 usage has also gone up. I have previously stated that both areas were hurting more and my T3 dosing had gone from about 3.75/day to about 4.9/day. Over the last week, that has inceased again to about 6 T3's per day. Whereas before I was taking the med for either my head or my flanks, I am often dosing now for both at the same time. I will usually take one, then another about an hour later. I rarely take two at the same time; and never take more than the prescribed amount in the stated time frame between doses. I am very careful about that.

I also want to mention that I saw something new when looking in the mirror. The area on my upper nose (the bridge)  next to my eyes looks as if both sides [on either sides] is bruised. That is the only way I can think to describe this darkening of the tissue. I have never before seen this on me, and yes, it is highly unusual [for me].

As for everything else...
-My urine has darkened around 10%, and has become more odoriferous;
-The blurriness in my eyes has increased a bit;
-The muscles of my lower arms have begun aching. Not cramping, or anything like that. Just aching.
-My appetite is up and down, and I can barely taste any of the foods I am eating.
-My dreams are still controllable (thank goodness).
-and the vertigo remains down from what it has been. However, I have noticed some balancing issues both with my cane and without it. Nothing major; just little instances of catching my balance that I had not been doing for some time.

That is all I can think of for now. I hope that I adequately explained about starting dialysis later--
Wait!
I remember something else...

In my entry about the edema I stated that I had decided to start dialysis in-center rather than train immediately for the at home treatments that...
..Nope...Lost my train of thought. I can't think of how to put this rather lengthy explanation succinctly; so, I will save that for another time.

Good Health to All!

ScottW