Nothing has changed in the last week.
All of the previously noted S/S's are going strong, and no letup in sight.I should find out tomorrow (Monday, 14 Feb) about the scheduling for the AV Fistula surgery. I wish the process wasn't taking so long; but hey...healing from that is one less thing I have to deal with right now. The surgery will happen when it happens; and I will be given the strength to push through the healing.
My dreams have started becoming uncontrollable. Even with semi-conscious awareness of what I need to do to control situations, I am growing increasingly unable to do so. I really shouldn't be surprised by this. After all, my body is dying (literally), and there isn't a damned thing I can do about it. Plus, with how I am feeling month after month, my mind has to sort things out for itself.
Consciously I am doing great. No depression, no sadness, etc. I know that though the struggle is terrible right now, it WILL be overcome with transplantation. Also, along the way I am going through the steps to have dialysis--which should help me feel better--so, while my body continues to shut down, there is a gigantic ray of certainty and hope that all will be wonderful once again.
There is no reason to be sad or feel hopeless. I continue to adamantly believe that I still have too much to accomplish in the years ahead. So, while I will allow myself a day now and then to feel exhausted from the fight, the strength I receive from others picks me up, and I continue to fight the good fight. It's not easy to do by any stretch; But again, the alternative is just not palpable. It's just not within my inherent makeup to give in to trials and despair. I'm way too stubborn to do that! :o)
Anyway, that's all I really wanted to pass on today.
Good Health to All!
ScottW
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